Banks Raise Fees on Same People Who Bailed Out Their Asses

Introduce New ‘Thank You’ Fee on Debit Cards

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – The largest banks in the US made history today by hiking fees on the same people who bailed out their asses three years ago.

“We would not exist today without the generosity of the American taxpayers,” said CEO Brian Moynihan of Bank of America, which received billions of dollars of Federal bailout money.  “And we want to thank them by assessing a special monthly ‘thank you’ fee on all of our debit cards.”

Becoming emotional, Mr. Moynihan added, “We think of the taxpayers every time we vacation on our yachts or visit our third homes, and we want them to think of us every time they try to spend $20 on groceries.”

Mr. Moynihan said that even after paying the  new $5 monthly fee, "American taxpayers should still have enough money left over to let them eat cake."

In other news, CNN announced today that it plans to start covering the mass protests on Wall Street in lower Manhattan “as soon as the Michael Jackson trial is over.”

And Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry today blasted President Obama’s decision to kill a terrorist in Yemen: “There are plenty of perfectly good people to execute right here in America.”

Poll: In Head-to-Head Matchup, Obama Who Ran in 2008 Would Trounce Current Obama

Popularity of Old Obama Spells Trouble for New One

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – According to a new poll of likely Democratic voters, if a primary contest were held today between the Barack Obama who ran for President in 2008 and the current Obama, the Old Obama would beat the New Obama by a margin of three to one.

While the numbers reflect the enduring popularity of the 2008 Obama, they spell big trouble for the 2011 Obama, who is seeking reelection in 2012.

Most troubling for the President, a significant number of voters -- nearly twenty-five percent -- no longer believe that the 2008 Obama and the current Obama are the same person.

At the White House, press secretary Jay Carney attempted to silence the skepticism of the so-called “Differenters,” the growing movement of people who believe that the 2008 Obama and the current one are two completely different men.

“The President has said that he is willing to submit to a DNA test and he will be releasing a Certificate of Authenticity later this week,” Mr. Carney said.  “Beyond that, we’re just going to have to take his word for it.”

In other political news, Texas Governor Rick Perry said today that he would participate in future Republican debates only if they were “open book.”

At a rally in South Carolina, Gov. Perry explained why he was uniquely qualified to be President: “The way I understand it, the main job of the executive branch is executing people.”

Pat Robertson Says Falling Satellite Means God Thinks Satellites are Gay

Warns NASA Against Launching Future Gay Objects

VIRGINIA BEACH (The Borowitz Report) – Evangelist Pat Robertson sparked controversy in today’s broadcast of his 700 Club program by saying that the NASA satellite that plummeted to Earth did so “because God thinks satellites are gay.”

“We have to remember that the heavens are where God lives,” Rev. Robertson said during the broadcast.  “If we launch something into outer space that God thinks is gay, He’s going to kick it right back to us.”

Mr. Robertson offered little evidence as to why God might think the Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite was gay, but said, “It does have, I believe, a big telescope sticking out of it and I can see why God would not want that in His face.”

He added that the falling satellite “should serve as a warning to NASA not to launch other gay objects into space.”

The televangelist’s remarks were abruptly cut short when a large piece of metal debris crashed through the roof of his television studio and landed squarely on his head.

Microsoft Is Mediocre

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Here we are with an "upgraded 'blue screen of death' ." The sad-face emoticon empathizes with the user. The original blue screen simply had no text or graphic display. This blue screen of death often results from a memory management issue for which Microsoft's operating system is infamous.

Random Access Memory (RAM) chips hold information the computer needs while executing code. Eventually that information is no longer needed and should be flushed to make room for new information that can require a large amount of RAM's capacity. Sometimes old data is not flushed from RAM, thus "short sheeting" the RAM bed. Thus: the blue screen of death. (Restarting flushes the RAM.)

Mac owners are not immune to memory management problems; yet, these occur far less frequently than those for PC users. And when they do, the application they are using will unexpectedly quit. However, the Mac OS X operating system remains open and robust.

Consider that Windoze (the software) must operate over a number of different computers (the hardware). Hardware configuration can be different, machine to machine. The Mac's operating system (software) is married to the computer (hardware). This superior 'bonding' (if you will) provides a more stable user experience.

That said, Microsoft possibly has the best operating system for PCs when comparing prior Windows iterations. Linux buffs would argue that point as to the superior operating system for PCs.

PC sales are in a negative, downward trend until you include Macs in the mix. Macintosh sales continue to climb in a financially recessive economy. No surprise there when considering Mac's superiority in function and user friendliness. There is no price advantage with a PC once you add the features and peripherals that Mac simply comes with.

Switching to Mac from PC is easy.

Optimum Optimization

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After having my OS X Lion upgrade running for several weeks I decided to check out Micromat's site for an upgrade to its Tech Tool Pro application. Their app is a full-on diagnostics tool and disk optimization utility.

I was surprised to find that my version 4 could be upgraded to version 6. How did I miss the fifth version? Somehow I did; yet, still got the $40 upgrade price. Ensuring that my Mac's volume directory is "glitch free" is vital to avoiding a hard disk drive crash caused by broken file allocation links.

In the past I have sometimes needed to repair volume structures. Monthly diagnostics keeps things easily corrected when a problem is reported.

The next step is file optimization to stitch together all fragmented files. Next I perform volume optimization to get all free space into a contiguous array. The operating system requires a specific amount of contiguous free space. Full optimization prevents continuous build-up of fragmentation that will eventually stonewall the proper function of the operating system.

Tech Tool Pro is highly rated for its solid dependability. I have used it for years and am pleased to have upgraded today.

Weather Or Not

When air conditioning fails our home environment feels like an oven. Shirley's heart condition pushes our repair status into 'emergency' mode. On Sunday the failure was impending.

We called our home warranty service on Sunday because the compressor's fan motor was screeching and chirping. The unit was still cooling our home so we were not having emergency conditions. On Monday morning a neighbor kindly asked if we were aware that our AC unit was making noise. We explained that we had already called for repair.

In mid-afternoon the unit's fan had stopped. We called the warranty company to explain our emergency. They checked with the assigned servicer — who had not yet contacted us — and learned that it would still be Thursday before they could help us on an emergency basis.

Warranty company cancelled the service order with that company and found a shop who could have someone here next morning. I spoke with the repair person who now has some history about our unit and situation.

Hopefully we will have some cooling by early afternoon.

Last week our triple-digits reached 109°F. Yesterday we just hit the triple-digit mark and should once again do that today. Temperatures moderated enough last night to allow comfortable sleep with windows open and house fans working at full speed.

How easily we take our comfort for granted when air conditioning functions properly. Even without health problems everyone wants to escape the discomfort of high heat in their environment. All AC repair shops are being hit hard with service requests as scorching temperatures challenge home AC units.

Hope y'all are comfortable in your homes.

Liam Elija Crawford

Adoption Is About Love

James & Stephanie Crawford (youngest son and his wife) have been in the adoption process for a few years.  Last month a birth mother selected their profile from among several. Next she met them and that sealed the deal.

Yesterday Liam was born by C-section and the bonding has begun. Liam may be released from the hospital today. The biological mother will sign a release 7 days after the birth and will have three days after signing to still change her mind.

However, the birth mother states she would not create false hope with James and Stephanie, and will clearly not change her mind. We expect that Liam will find wonderful, loving, caring parents in James and Stephanie.

Gas Prices Rising More Slowly, Might Have Peaked

We are up to $4.30 per gallon I am ready for a reversal. Last fill-up costed me $64 plus change. Not good. Are you doing less driving?

Slim Pickin's

The jet tip for my WaterPik broke in two. No problem… replacement should be easy. Or, so I thought.

A stop at Wal-Mart seemed to be the best choice; yet, a search for my item turned up nothing. OK. No big deal. CVS Pharmacy was on the way home. Alas, no luck there.

Not to worry. RiteAid was just up the street a ways. Again, futility. Being somewhat a resourceful person I figured Walgreens would satisfy my need and should now be worth the extra mileage to get there. Batting 1000 boys and girls.

Finally I drove another distance to Target. Aaarg… ! No store carried the WaterPik Jet Tip replacements.

So a digital trip to Amazon.Com rewarded me with a set of two for just $10.99. That is nearly a 50% savings from regular retail.

Meantime I will use my special brush tip. However, I believe the jet tip does a better job between teeth.

End Of World Alert

Sign Giving Warning

Pamphlet With Literature

Just as any past "end of world" and "judgment day" prediction part of the issue is that people sell their homes and belongings in the belief they will not need them. Apparently many have quit their jobs to join the caravan that travels nation-wide to spread the news.

I truly hate to see people put themselves into such a negative position. Even the Bible notes that no man knows the day of God's judgment. How do these people fail to understand that?

FAA OKs iPad for Pilots’ Charts

"From the earliest days of aviation, pilots have relied upon paper maps to help find their way. Even in an era of GPS and advanced avionics, you still see pilots lugging around 20 pounds or more of charts. But those days are numbered, because maps are giving way to iPads."

No surprise that an app. for Apple's iPad can easily assist aviators.

I have seen one app. that works with our GPS locations to support astronomy. Holding the iPad up to the sky — anywhere — reveals constellations and planets. Tapping one of a constellation's stars or an identified planet allows the viewer to get information about it. Awesome and entertaining (and educational).

The Kindle app. for iPad will obviate my need for a reading light while in bed at night. Yep… I plan to purchase the iPad 2 once it gets released.

New Disrespect

Gas Pains Return

Locally the Chevron where I fuel up is charging $3.69 per gallon. The Union 76 here is up to $3.95. Last evening Jay Lenno claimed he paid $4.50 per gallon in Los Angeles.

We folks will be paying $5 before long. California gasoline runs a bit higher than our country's average due to required additives.

Now is the time to cut back on trips and plan errands to combine them in a single outing. This will mean not running out when I go to the refrigerator for something, find it gone, and immediately want to dash to the store.  And it is definitely time to not rush when using the freeway. I had ended my 60 mph speeds, opting to do 65 most of the time. Occasionally I would rush and hit 70 mph.

Hopefully everyone (or mostly everyone) will now begin to slow down on the Interstate highways. Last time we were paying high dollar at the pump there were always fewer automobiles on the road.

Monster of Libya

His political hold on Libya in near-collapse, this tyrant has proved himself the megalomaniac that he is purported to be. We likely can hold our breath because it will all soon be over for Qaddafi.

Libya Protests Spread As Barrier Of Fear Crumbles

" Col. Qaddafi’s 41-year reign in oil-rich Libya, a country sandwiched between Egypt and Tunisia, is now looking very shaky."

The dictators of Tunisia and Egypt, northwest and eastern neighbors to Libya respectively, have been recently toppled. It appears that Libya is on the brink of takeover. Qaddafi will not last the week, IMO.

Super Size Me

We are what we eat.

Happy Valentine's Day

Motorized Pedal Exerciser

Shirley has been advised by her physical therapist to get a bike (stationary type acceptable) that she can pedal to help with mobility. She saw the above item in a catalog book for $169.99. With shipping we add $16.99 (for a total of $186.98).

Amazon's price is $95.54 with 2-day shipping for $23.85 (for a total of $119.39). That is nearly a $68 savings plus an upgrade from standard shipping.

Its weight is 12.5 lb., so I have some concern about how stable this unit will be. It comes with a non-slip mat which may be very helpful in steadying this unit.

Arriving Tuesday.

The Will Of The People — Ignored

The masses gathered in Cairo on Freedom Square are demanding that both Mubarak and his regime step down immediately.

Today at around 2100 GMT Mubarak appeared on Egyptian TV, announcing, in so many words, he will not be stepping down. The initial tone of the crowd being quiet and holding hopeful expectations swelled to anger and loudly chanting "go go, leave leave."

Is Mubarak that out of touch with the mood of the masses? Did he truly believe he was going to quiet the demands for his immediately vacating his presidency? He failed to lift Egypt's Emergency Law. It appears that the situation going forward will only get uglier.

Mom Killed Crying Baby For Interrupting Facebook Game

A 22-year-old woman who pleaded guilty to shaking her baby to death for crying while she was playing [Farmville] on Facebook is going to prison for a long time.

Alexandra V. Tobias was sentenced to 50 years in prison Tuesday afternoon -- the maximum penalty on the second-degree murder charge.

Tobias was arrested after her 3-month-old son, Dylan Lee Edmondson, died last January.

Prosecutors said Tobias admitted to becoming angry because the baby would not stop crying while she was playing Farmville on Facebook.

"I am trying to say this is not a plea about pity. I'm asking for mercy," Tobias told the judge before he sentenced her.

"I realize I do deserve consequences, but the death of my son is a life sentence in itself. So could you please consider that I am still young and I have ambitions, potential, hopes and dreams."

Of course, her son will never grow to have ambitions, hopes, and dreams. He will never accomplish anything based on his potential. Selfish is as selfish does. She will not be treated nicely by fellow inmates.